My wittle baby Rillo is so precious :)
I'm going to buy a bicycle today, it's so nice out and I just wanna riiide.

I don't really have a lot to say. Christmas was nice, but it was super hard waking up and knowing that I wasn't going to open presents with you or
see you for dinner. But I dont want this blog to be all sadness. I'm going to
take a shower and go look for a bike :)

2010, new beginnings.
I'm going to go ahead and forgive the past, but I will most
certainly never forget. It seems like my almost every year my life takes a drastic
turn, well 2010, i'm going to be the one who controls those turns.

I'm so ready.

I'm starting to like Call Of Duty haha I've been playing it for like 5 hours straight.
I'm pretty glad tonights been so chill, I need to cut back on drinking and partying so much, it's killing my liver, ugh.

Also, if you haven't watched Jersey Shore on MTV yet you're missing out.
It's the best show in the world, all those guidos and guidettes fist pumpin is fucking
hilarious, but all the girls are way too bronze, its almost scary, I bet they would look crazy in a
black light hahaha.

Gonna go apply for jobs all next week, I'm in dire need of one.

one step at a time

I keep hitting backspace after I type something, I feel that way about everything
I wish I could just hit backspace. It's so easy just to erase it and pretend that it was never even there. I'm so pissed off at everything right now. I have nothing going for me and its so depressing. I wish I was more independent, but that seems next to impossible without a job, and finding one right now isnt happening. I wake up depressed and cry myself to sleep pretty much everyday. No one should be living like that. It seems like drinking with my friends is the only thing that remotely makes me happy. My family is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it. My little brother Aaron breaks my heart, I just want him to grow up and be happy and
the path that he is on right now is going to lead him straight to jail. He's 14 and I cant do anything. I miss my mom so much, I'm so lost without her. As much as I bitched about her, she was my rock, she kept my grounded and I feel like I'm floating in an endless sea without her. The holidays are a constant reminder of that, it sucks so much. I really think I might need to go to counseling. One person should not feel like this all the time. But I dont know what that would help, I dont know what that stranger would tell me that I havent already heard a million times. I need to stop typing, it just makes me cry.

Ownin

Bitches on this beer pong table, don't hate.

thanks for shit

I watch you take I watch you fake
Like rats, you plague
I need no more you're fucking through
I'm done you're done
I sit, I wait, you bleed, I wake
This hammer I've got is coming down on you
I cannot stop because you will never see me through
This hate that I've got is coming down on you
I will not stop until I'm through