one step at a time

I keep hitting backspace after I type something, I feel that way about everything
I wish I could just hit backspace. It's so easy just to erase it and pretend that it was never even there. I'm so pissed off at everything right now. I have nothing going for me and its so depressing. I wish I was more independent, but that seems next to impossible without a job, and finding one right now isnt happening. I wake up depressed and cry myself to sleep pretty much everyday. No one should be living like that. It seems like drinking with my friends is the only thing that remotely makes me happy. My family is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it. My little brother Aaron breaks my heart, I just want him to grow up and be happy and
the path that he is on right now is going to lead him straight to jail. He's 14 and I cant do anything. I miss my mom so much, I'm so lost without her. As much as I bitched about her, she was my rock, she kept my grounded and I feel like I'm floating in an endless sea without her. The holidays are a constant reminder of that, it sucks so much. I really think I might need to go to counseling. One person should not feel like this all the time. But I dont know what that would help, I dont know what that stranger would tell me that I havent already heard a million times. I need to stop typing, it just makes me cry.